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Previous to relocating, I watched a TikTok where a group of friends gave advice to individuals wanting to move to the West Coast. The suggestion was to grind on the East Coast, and if you can hold your own on the East Coast, then move to the West Coast. After hearing this, I was questioning my own reasoning. I was nervous and nervous-anxious. I let my negative thought patterns win. “I am going to be able to hold my own?” “What do I do if I get depressed?” “What If I have panic attacks?” Spoiler alert: I did get depressed, and I did have panic attacks. At the time, I let my emotions guide every aspect of my life.

I am naturally sensitive, but I used to take everything everyone said so personally. I struggled with intrusive-anxious thoughts. I had an allegiance to being worried about what everyone else thought of me, with no regard for how I felt about myself. I hit a breaking point where I obtained a deeper understanding of the way I want to choose to handle debilitating and overtaxing situations. If I continued to take everything personally, I strongly feel if this went unresolved, I would not be capable of living my life the way I want. Further, I am not sure if I would ever be pleased.

This new chapter of my life is about building a solid sense of self. This new chapter is about who Brianna is. Not Brianna the sister, not Brianna the daughter, and not Brianna the employee. This may seem self-centered, and it is, but I feel like I have spent so much of my life tending to other people’s needs and expectations, and in the end, I felt empty. A core competency within this newly discovered sense of self is not being heartless but using my heart less. My emotions are a guide, but they do not run the show. I am continuously learning how to balance the use of my head and the use of my heart.

Affirmations:

-I am not a slave to my emotions

-I understand my emotions are here to protect me